


Call me by my name

by rudbeckia



Series: Call Me By your Name AU [1]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: AU call me by your name, Ben masturbates more than any other human in known space, Bisexual Character, F/M, Heterosexual Sex, Hux is repressed, M/M, No Homophobia, Rey is 10 in this fic, Sex Positive, background Han/Lando - Freeform, background Leia/Amilyn, background Phasma/Unamo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-12-26 09:57:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18280802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudbeckia/pseuds/rudbeckia
Summary: Ben Solo is eighteen and spending the summer with his parents at their Villa. Han is... well, Han. Leia is building an evidence file about war crimes committed by the Empire in its dying days. Leia employs an intern to help collate the evidence she finds. And it’s an open secret that she chose ArmitageHuxover all the other applicants because of his close connections to the atrocities she is investigating.What Leia does not expect is that her sometimes volatile, sometimes quiet and studious son will fall hard for the son of a notorious war criminal.But Ben is only eighteen and Hux is a world-weary twenty-four. What can they possibly have to offer each other?





	1. I’m not in love

**Author's Note:**

> I am currently obsessed with Call Me By Your Name. Sheesh. I will never look at peaches the same. That scene, alas, did not make it into this fic although I was temporarily tickled by the tag “inappropriate use of a jogan fruit”.  
> Chapter titles from 10CC “I’m Not in Love” which seemed perfectly cheesy.

“Ben?” Leia’s voice rang out at the same time as Ben recognised the sound from outside as the buzz of a speeder-cab and then the crunch of feet on gravel. “Come and greet our guest.”  
The boy roused himself from his meditation, stretched and shook out long limbs, flexed and rubbed muscles that promised bulk once they properly grew to match his bones. He pulled on a shirt, leaving it unbuttoned and flapping loose over his shorts, dragged a hand through unruly hair and slapped downstairs on bare feet.

Leia was welcoming someone through the main door. She turned and smiled at her son. “Ben? This is my new intern, Armitage. He’ll be spending the summer helping me collate records for my report on imperial war crimes.” Her smile dropped for just a second as she held Ben’s gaze. “Be nice.”  
“Okay,” Ben replied with a hint of sulkiness. He looked at the newcomer, tall and slim with pale skin and a strand of copper hair escaping from its severe style to curl across his smooth forehead. His clothes made him look like a tourist: a baggy mint green shirt and beige chinos with once-white canvas lace-ups. Ben came forwards for a better look at his eye colour and to pick up the stranger’s bags. He wondered which language to use. His mother spoke Galactic Basic because everybody did, but Ben chose Huttese to address the stranger. “I’ll show you around.” With a slight smirk, the stranger responded with thanks in the same language. Ben almost dropped the man’s bags in surprise. “Are you from Hutt Space?”  
“No,” the man said with a laugh. “But it pays to be able to communicate without need of a translator.”  
“So where are you from?” demanded Ben, pausing on the polished floorboards of the upstairs landing. “And what’s your name? I know my mother said it but I wasn’t really listening.”  
“Armitage Hux. Please just call me Hux.” Hux held out his hand. “I was born on Arkanis but I’m not really from anywhere anymore.”  
“Oh,” Ben said, frowning at the outstretched hand then grabbing it too firmly just as Hux began to retract the offer. “I know the feeling. You’re getting my room and I’m moving into Grandfather’s. This way. He’s dead by the way so I don’t have to share.”

Unseen, Hux shook his head and gave a soft laugh. Ben padded along the hallway to the second last door, pushed it open and dropped Hux’s bags. He picked up a few stray items of clothing from the floor and held them close to his body. “This is my room. Your room, I mean. I’m next door.” Hux looked around. Ben hoped he wasn’t finding fault and pointed to the far wall where the L-shaped room widened, with ornate glass doors shuttered against the heat, then to the bathroom door he’d left ajar showing a glimpse of the small ensuite that nestled between their rooms and had a door opening into each. “We share a balcony and our bathroom is right there. I’ll make some space in my closet for your clothes.” Ben opened the closet door, grabbed a handful of shirts off their hangers and shoved the rest aside to offer Hux almost a whole metre of rail.  
“Thank you again,” said Hux with a smile, easing off his shoes and reclining on Ben’s bed. “It seems to be an adequately comfortable room.”  
“Well,” Ben adjusted his grip on his clothing, hugging it tight. “I’ll leave you to get settled.”

Ben left Hux in his room, quiet snores already coming from him before the door clicked fully closed. He shut himself in his grandfather’s old room, dropped his bundle of clothes, flopped backwards onto the bed and looked up at the ceiling fan that traced ineffectual circles with its arms. He covered his face with both hands and quietly said _fuck._ After a couple of minutes, he got up silently, went into the bathroom and closed the door that led to through to Hux’s room. He tidied away the clothing he’d grabbed then looked at himself in the mirror. He wasn’t sure how he felt about what he saw when he angled his head from side to side. It was as if his features didn’t fit yet. He knew he probably wasn’t completely unattractive and he admired his dark eyes and strong jaw for a few seconds before frowning at his nose, then frowning deeper at his frown. When he ruffled his own hair it made him aware of his ears and he carefully arranged the soft waves to hide them again. His cheeks and chin, alas, remained almost as smooth as the day he’d been born, and as he traced a finger across his downy jawline he thought of the rough look of Hux’s stubble with a longing he couldn’t quite classify.

Ben showered, shaved and changed, choosing loose linen trousers and a clean shirt from the assortment he’d snatched from Hux’s room. When the gong sounded for dinner, he left his room but paused outside Hux’s door and listened. There was no sign of life, so he knocked gently from the corridor twice then once louder. Thinking that Hux had probably already joined the family without bothering to ask him if he was also ready for dinner, Ben pouted a little and pushed the door open. The room was in semi-darkness from the closed shutters but Ben could see Hux lying on top of the bed, chest rising and falling slowly. Careful of the one loose floorboard that would squeak and give him away, Ben went over to his desk and picked up his book, his journal and his set of pens. He eased his way back to the door but fumbled his grip and the book thumped onto the floor. Hux groaned.  
“It’s me,” Ben said, bending to pick up his book. “Sorry I woke you. I came to get my things and to ask if you were coming down for dinner.”  
“Stars, let me sleep.” Hux’s voice was sleep-slurred. He turned over and pulled Ben’s pillow over his face.  
“Okay,” replied Ben. He waited a few seconds to see if Hux would say anything more, but his breathing evened again and Ben backed quietly out of the room.

Downstairs, an extra place was set for Hux, beside Ben’s usual seat. Ben slipped into his chair and watched as Han served Leia first, then Uncle Luke, then Amilyn, then Ben then himself. Han scraped his chair and sat.  
“He’s not coming for dinner,” said Ben, pointing at the empty seat. “I asked him but he’s sleeping.”  
“I’m not surprised. Han?” Leia smiled at her husband. “Would you save a plate for Armitage?”  
“I’m disappointed your new intern isn’t joining us for a proper cross examination,” said Amilyn with a wink at Ben, who flashed a tight smile back. “I was looking forward to meeting a genuine survivor of the old Imperial Academies.”  
“Please,” said Leia, frowning gently. “I doubt he knows anything we don’t already. He would have been four years old when the second Death Star blew up and took the Empire with it.”  
“Isn’t that why you chose him?” Luke said around a mouthful of crisp salad. “His reason to want your work to succeed? His personal attachment?”  
“He is a Hux, after all.” Amilyn stared around the table at the eyes of three silent adults and hair of the eighteen-year-old busy slurping his main course and thinking of dessert. “Oh come on, don’t be like that. You must all have thought it.”

One by one the adults returned to their meals and small talk. Luke nudged Ben’s foot under the table. Ben looked up. “Hey, why don’t you invite the Tico sisters over tomorrow afternoon? Your training is going well enough that you can afford an afternoon off. Rey could come too since she’s about Rose’s age. They could have lunch and you could all play goothball or spheredunk and then swim in the lake.”  
“Yeah,” drawled Han. “And you could invite Unamo and that pretty Twi’lek girl you like. The one you meet in town sometimes. What was her name, Meelu?”  
“Yeah,” said Ben, watching his plate. “I was planning to study.”  
Luke laughed. “When I want you to study, your mind is full of what you’re planning on doing later and never on what you’re supposed to be doing now. When I want you to take the afternoon off to clear your mind, you want to study. You’re contrary, Ben. We all know where all work and no play leads.”  
“I’ll tell Paige and Rose in the morning,” Amilyn said as if it was all settled. Ben glared at his uncle, clattered his cutlery onto his empty plate and stood up.  
“I’ll fetch dessert,” he said, and walked away while the adults carried on talking as if nothing important happened today.

Eventually dinner was over and the table cleared and Ben could escape to his room, cocooned in the warm buzz of the two glasses of wine he’d been allowed to have with dinner. He paused outside his old door, listening again, but no sound came from within. He went into his room, through into their shared bathroom and pushed the door, open although it had been closed before, halfway shut so that he could still see a sliver of Hux’s room. He brushed his teeth and washed his warm face with cool water, leaning his hips against the sink unit, letting his mind wander to the likely events of the next day. There would be breakfast, early, followed by time training with Luke. Leia would work in the morning with Hux’s assistance, then probably let him have the day free after lunch since so many people were to be invited over to ruin his peace. Still, Ben thought as he finished his evening ritual, if the afternoon was for Hux then he might still escape. And if Hux wasn’t the socialising type, perhaps he would appreciate the chance to escape with Ben and... Ben went to his room. He left his own bathroom door ajar in case the sound of it closing might wake Hux, then lay on top of the bedcovers in only his shorts and thought about the man lying a few feet away on the other side of the wall. He raised his hand to press his lips and imagined a kiss willingly offered and gently taken. He let his mind drift free—what did it matter what he fantasised about as long as he never spoke of it? His lips parted and one finger, then two, slipped into the soft heat of his mouth. His other hand trailed across his chest to tease his nipples until they crinkled and peaked, and he felt the hot flare of arousal in his groin, spreading fire across his skin. He wanted to be touched. Slipping his hand into his shorts, Ben ached for a pale face with plump, pink lips, grey-green eyes and dishevelled copper hair to peer through the open door, see what he was doing, and wordlessly walk across the room discarding his mint green baggy shirt and beige chinos on the floor, lie down and press his pale skin to Ben’s. He wanted Hux’s long fingers on him, _in_ him, curling around his erect cock, moving with the familiar expertise of his own hand. Ben came suddenly and with a quiet moan around the fingers in his mouth, spattering come onto his stomach and chest. He lay for a moment revelling in the joy of his own thumping heartbeat, then reached for his shirt to wipe himself clean. When he got up to put the soiled shirt into the laundry basket he saw that the door, the one that led into the bathroom and through another door into Hux’s room, was closed.

The morning dawned cool and Ben woke to birdsong. He sat on the edge of his bed, forgetting for a moment why the door to the balcony was on the wrong side, then remembered where he was. He yawned and stretched then opened the glass door, creaking the slatted shutters aside, and stepped out into fresh air. He breathed in the sweet scent of the drying grass and the orchard beyond, and tabac.  
“Good morning. Did you sleep well?”  
Ben turned to look at Hux, who was leaning on the ornate balustrade that kept the small balcony secure. “You smoke?” he said.  
“Not really,” Hux replied. “Just when I’m stressed. The journey here was frightful. Want one?” Hux shook the pack at Ben. Ben frowned at it then accepted. He looked at it for a couple of seconds and Hux smiled. “Give it back.” Ben watched as Hux swapped his half-smoked cigarra for Ben’s fresh one, holding it loose between pink lips. “Light it for you,” Hux said, cigarra bouncing between his lips as he spoke. Hux held the glowing end of his lit cigarra to the end of Ben’s and sucked until Ben’s glowed too, then plucked it from his mouth and held it out. Ben took it back and tried to look cool as he also leaned against the balustrade and set the cigarra between his lips. Ben inhaled and choked. He doubled over, coughing. Hux took the cigarra from him and crushed it out.  
Hux gave a quiet laugh. “You don’t smoke, do you?”  
Ben heaved in a breath and it made him dizzy. He stood up straight again slowly. “Not really,” he said, shaking more hair over his red face. “Not that anyway. Just when some kind stranger offers. But those are disgusting.”  
“Well then,” Hux said over his shoulder as he stepped through into his room. “I’m not kind and you probably shouldn’t talk to strangers.”  
Ben gripped the balustrade until his knuckles went white and he bit his lip so that sharp pain would drive away his threatening tears. After a moment, he also returned to his room.

Ben dressed in his usual summer attire of shorts and an open shirt then trotted downstairs for breakfast. He pulled up short and walked around the table to sit in a vacant seat that was not occupied by Hux. Hux turned to look at him, caf halfway to those beautifully soft pink lips.  
“Sorry, am I in your seat?”  
Ben frowned, helping himself to a purple jam-filled pastry while Han poured him caf. “Sit where you want.”  
“Luke called,” said Han. “Morning lessons are cancelled. You can show Armitage around the town this morning then introduce him to all your friends after lunch.”  
“Luke cancelled lessons?” Ben looked up in surprise.  
“Yeah,” drawled Han. “I think Leia has an idea that Armitage will be a good influence on you.” Han winked at Hux. “I’m not so sure.” He looked at Ben again. “Would it sweeten the deal if I let you borrow a couple of swoops?”  
“No!” Leia’s voice sailed over Han’s chuckle and Ben’s delighted yell. “Not the swoops. Ben’s not licensed for those death traps. Normal speeders only.”  
“Ah c’mon,” Han cajoled. “The boy’s pretty decent at piloting swoops and no one round here checks. What if we compromise? Huh? One swoop can just about carry two skinny kids like Ben and Armie here. Armie can drive. Ben can cling behind for dear life.”  
Hux set his cup down. “I’m afraid that won’t do at all,” he said. “I’m sure normal speeder bikes will be adequate.”  
Ben glared at Han. Han held his gaze then grinned. “Whatever you say! Speeder bikes it is. I’ll save the swoops for when Lando gets here later.”  
Ben’s head shot up again, embarrassment swept aside. “Uncle Lando’s coming?”  
“Sure he is!” Han laughed. “You going to lose to him at Sabacc again?”  
Ben grimaced. Hux leaned forwards and spoke to Ben. “How about you teach me Sabacc later then I can play too?”  
“Ugh,” Ben said, sighing. “You better have money to burn because Uncle Lando always wins.”  
“Almost always,” Han said, wagging a finger at Ben. “Remember the Falcon.”  
“That heap of junk?” said Ben, incredulous. “I think you lost big when you took on that scrapheap. Uncle Lando probably cheated to make you think you’d won.”  
“Hey,” said Han with feigned offence. “The Falcon’s a dream and I won her fair and square.”

The topic shifted when Leia came in with a tray. She set down a jug of bright purple juice and some glasses, then smiled at Hux. “Armitage? We’ll start properly tomorrow. Take the day to orient yourself and lose some of the space-lag. I need you alert. And don’t let my husband talk you into anything idiotic.”  
“No dice today.” Han laughed. “I’m going to pick up Lando in the Falcon. We’ll be back for dinner. Probably.”  
“I won’t wait up,” said Leia with a shake of her head. “Ben, why don’t you practice with Rey after lunch? Luke says she’s coming along well and could use the sparring practice.”  
“Sparring?” Hux’s whole attitude pricked up and that stopped Ben from complaining.  
“Fine. Whatever. I’ll spar with a ten year old.” Ben reached for a second pastry and Leia squeezed his arm.  
“Thank you, sweetheart.” Leia shifted her gaze to her intern. “Armitage?”  
“Professor Organa?”  
“I have some files on the Imperial Academy on Arkanis that need indexing. Perhaps tomorrow you could—“  
“I’ll do it now, if you show me where I can work,” said Hux, already on his feet. “I understand that I am not on vacation here.”  
“Tomorrow is soon enough,” replied Leia. “Today I want you to get to know your surroundings. Get comfortable here with us.”  
Ben finished his second pastry, a glass of juice and his caf. He set the cup down with a clatter. “I’ll go get the speeder bikes ready.” He glanced at Hux as he stood up. “You can ride a speeder, yeah?”  
Hux nodded and gulped down a glass of juice, then stared at his empty glass in surprise. Leia laughed. “You like that? It’s fresh jogan-fruit, picked this morning from our orchard.”  
“I expected... I don’t know what I expected. I wish I’d taken my time to enjoy it.” Hux stood up, avoiding looking at Ben. “Thank you, professor.”  
“Leia.”

Hux could ride a speeder. Ben checked a few times that Hux was following as he led them into town and Hux was never far behind. They parked their speeders and walked through narrow, cobbled streets, with Ben pointing out the town’s few features and Hux nodding. At Hux’s request, they stopped at a cantina and ordered tarine tea.  
“So what do you do all day?” asked Hux.  
Ben pulled a face at the bitter drink. “I study the Jedi manuscripts and interpret them through meditation. I have lightsaber practice. I read other stuff too, whatever I want. Mom brings us here when she has a project, which is every summer. And we come for Life Day too.”  
“And what is there to do for fun around here?”  
“Fun? There are bars and there’s a nightclub here. Sort of.”  
“I mean, what do _you_ like to do to relax?”  
Ben stole a sideways glance at Hux’s profile. “Oh. I guess you might find out later.”  
“I _guess_ I’ll look forward to that,” Hux said, blowing across the surface of his tea while Ben blushed in silence. They drank without speaking further, Ben stealing more glances at Hux, whose long, slender legs stretched out, porcelain-white with a dusting of copper hairs, and whose eyes roved the square where their cantina nestled in a shady corner. When he finished his tea, Hux stood up.  
“Well then. I’ll see you later. I have some business to attend to.”  
Ben watched Hux leave, anger and hurt stacking like bricks around his heart.

Ben returned home on his own well before lunch and grabbed his training weapons. He stormed out of the villa and fell to his knees on the warm grass, lush and green today, but the constant heat promised to turn it into yellowed stalks by the end of the summer. He reached out the way Luke had taught him and found a kind of resignation, if not quite peace, in the interconnectivity of life around him. Once he felt steady, elevated emotions of the morning tamped down, he stood and stretched. When he felt his limbs loosen, he called his training staff to his hand and ran through the set of movements of the first saber form. He repeated the exercise, faster and faster until he was a perfect blur, then removed his shirt and moved to the second form. He cycled through ever faster repetitions, a flurry of limbs and polished staff, until his hair was soaked with sweat and his muscles ached. He stopped and stood like a statue for a few seconds, breathing deep but controlled, then turned to face the house and froze. There on the terrace, beside Uncle Luke who often came to watch, stood Hux. Luke clapped and called out.  
“Nice work! Watch your feet on the reverse spin in the fourth form.”  
Ben nodded, dropped his staff and jogged away in the direction of the small swimming pool in the grounds. He let his body topple into the cool, green water with a splash.

The lunch-gong sounded when Ben was still floating in the pool. He hauled himself out and walked towards the terrace, picking up his shirt and staff on the way and letting the warm air dry his skin. The table was set for guests and he took the place between Unamo and the older Tico girl. Rey sat opposite and pulled faces at him. Ben returned fire until Rey laughed. Another young woman, tall and pale like Hux but golden haired, joined them and sat beside Rey. Unamo nudged Ben. “Who’s that?”  
“Dunno,” he replied. “Can I see you later? I mean _see_ you?”  
Unamo made a noncommittal sound as introductions began. Hux was first, far down the table and out of Ben’s line of sight. One by one, everyone said their name and one fact about themselves. Ben cringed when the older Tico girl said, “I’m Paige and I’m going to be a pilot,” then looked at him.  
“I’m Ben,” he said. “And I just want my lunch.” Someone laughed. Ben hoped it was Hux.  
“I’m Unamo,” said Ben’s potential date. “And I think you’re beautiful.”  
Ben was not the only one who stared as Unamo offered her hand to the tall blonde opposite her. Rey gaped.  
“Phasma,” said the blonde, smiling.  
Leia clapped and the round of introductions continued until everyone had said their piece. Rey and the younger Tico sister, Rose, chattered about everything and nothing. Unamo and Phasma conversed across the table. Paige was engaged in a conversation with Leia, and Ben ate in sullen silence. Once the plates were cleared, everyone drifted down to the spheredunk court.

Ben sized up Phasma and waved at Hux. “Hey, join my team,” he said. “The taller the better in this game.”  
“No.” Hux shook his head and laughed. “I’ll watch from here. You’re better off without me.”  
Someone blew a whistle and the game began. Ben played with force but little finesse and his team soon found themselves losing to Phasma’s team. At the ad-hoc interval, called when Luke brought a tray of iced drinks, Ben walked off the court and stretched, shaking out his arms. Hux came up behind him and put one cool hand on his shoulder, then two hands. “You’re tense. If you relaxed you’d throw better.” Hux kneaded Ben’s shoulder. Ben tensed up even more: he ached for Hux to touch him, but not like this. Afraid that his physical reaction to such an innocent touch might embarrass everyone, Ben twisted and ducked.  
“I’m fine,” he said, then walked away to get a drink before the ice all melted. When he looked back, Hux was gone.

The afternoon progressed lazily with more spheredunk then sparring for Rey and Ben while the others cheered or slept in the shade. Rey’s old best friend Finn and new best friend Rose held her staff for her and offered her water and effusive encouragement between bouts. Ben played with Rey a little, unable to focus on his movements until she swept his feet from under him and left him flat on the grass, winded and unsure whether to yell or laugh with the onlookers. He leapt up grinning and held Rey at bay with more difficulty than he cared to admit to himself. At least, he noticed with equal measures of regret and relief, Hux had not witnessed that.  
“Not bad for a little girl,” Ben taunted during one of Rey’s attempts to attack.  
“Not bad for a string bean,” retorted Rey as Ben only just avoided another encounter with the dirt.

Dinner was a noisy affair, especially after Han and Lando arrived during dessert. The youngsters left with Amilyn and Luke who offered to deliver them safely home, and the remaining adults and near-adults shared a couple of bottles of wine and were entertained by Han and Lando’s bragging and bickering as evening sapped colour from the terrace. Hux did not join them for dinner and Ben promised himself he would not ask why. Phasma suggested they all go into town to the nightclub that opened up onto the square on warm evenings, to drink and dance for a couple of hours, and with Leia’s gentle encouragement Ben agreed to go too. Everyone scattered to change and agreed to meet up in the town square in one hour. Ben went up to his room. He paused outside Hux’s room but heard nothing from inside and the door was closed. From his own room, he went into the shared bathroom but the internal door to Hux’s room was closed too. He washed quickly and changed into cleaner clothing, checking that the balcony was empty. He sighed. Perhaps it was still space-lag. Hux must be asleep. Ben took his speeder into town alone.

Ben parked and jostled his way through the square that housed the nightclub, music thumping and people bumping him as he pushed his way to their usual space. He caught sight of Unamo and Phasma dancing energetically: arms up, bodies so close they often touched. A cheerful voice called him.  
“Ben! Over here.”  
“Meelu! Hi. You been here long?”  
“Not really,” the girl said, the ends of her long lekku twitching. “I said I’d guard our drinks.”  
“Want anything?” Ben asked, eyebrow cocked and head tilted.  
“Sure, why not.”  
Ben smiled. “Back in a minute,” he said, and made his way to the open air bar. He bought two bottles of beer and meandered through the crowd back to Meelu. He stopped to watch the dancers and Meelu joined him, a watchful eye on their space.  
“Your new friend is here,” she said, elbowing him in the side. “Phas pointed him out. He’s kinda cute.”  
“What?”  
Meelu pointed. “There. Dancing with Dopheld.”  
Ben searched the ever shifting mass of dancers until he saw Hux. The music changed to something slower and Hux’s hands met Dopheld’s shoulders at the same time as Dopheld’s arms wound around Hux’s waist.  
“He’s a pretty decent dancer. Looks like he’s pulled.” Meelu shrugged and drank from her beer bottle. “I hope he’s nice to Doph. Ooh! Look at Phasma and Unamo!”  
Ben stared at Hux, who had his arms around Dopheld’s back. Dopheld’s head rested on Hux’s shoulder as they swayed to the ballad.  
“You want to go somewhere else?” Ben said, handing his untouched beer bottle to someone else. “I brought my speeder.”  
Meelu grinned and nodded. Ben smiled and took her hand. He wasn’t in love with Meelu and she wasn’t in love with him, and that was okay. As he rode his speeder with Meelu warm against his back, Ben decided that falling in love was stupid, over-rated, and would never happen to him. He wouldn’t let it.

Much later, after an hour of soft, aimless pleasure with Meelu, as he lay in bed with empty silence from Hux’s room, it hit Ben like a punch to the gut that Hux might hate him.


	2. It’s just a silly phase I’m going through

“I’m sure if I’d’ve asked, she’d’ve said yes,” Ben said in response to Lando’s slightly crude enquiry as to how his date had gone the previous night. “I took Meelu to the lake,” Ben explained to Leia’s frown. “We just fooled around a bit then I took her home. Don’t worry, mom, we were careful.”  
“I trust you not to make me a grandmother yet, Ben,” said Leia as she turned her attention back to her caf and her papers.  
“You should see her again, and soon,” suggested Lando. “Have fun while you’re young.”  
“You mean while you’re still handsome and can get away with it,” added Han, grinning at Hux’s look of horror. “Ignore Lando, Armie. He’s just a bitter, jealous old man.”  
“But you love me anyway,” said Lando, reaching over to pat Han’s face.  
Leia laughed. “When you two teenagers have finished flirting, maybe you could drop Armitage off at the public records office. I need him to do some fact checking for me.”  
Hux, who had been silently sipping his freshly squeezed jogan fruit juice, looked over at Leia and nodded, avoiding Ben’s gaze. Ben frowned at his pastry and sucked his lip. “Mom, I thought we could invite the Mitakas over sometime. They’ve not been here for a while.”  
Leia looked up. “We could do that if you want. It’s nice of you to suggest people for a change. You used to be quite close friends with their boy, Dopheld, didn’t you? Call Meelu and ask her to come too. I like her.”  
Ben made a noncommittal noise and excused himself from the table. Hux watched him go, eyebrows raised.

Back in the sanctuary of his room, Ben lay back on his bed and thought about Meelu. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her—he did—but he didn’t like her _that way._ When he’d powered the speeder away from town the previous evening with the solid warmth of Meelu’s body pressed to his back, her arms tight around his waist, her laughter in his ear as he showed off on the ride down to the lake shore, he’d wished it was Hux who was exhilarated from his stunts and clinging on for dear life. When he’d kissed Meelu he’d thought about Hux’s lips. When he’d let his hands rove down Meelu’s body he’d imagined Hux’s tight buttocks under his hands. When they lay down and Meelu slipped her warm hand inside his shorts he’d wondered how Hux’s long fingers would feel on his cock. Unasked, Meelu had pulled his shorts down and stroked his cock then shuffled down his body and sucked the head into her mouth, but he only came after he closed his eyes and imagined copper hair in place of the sleek lekku that coiled as Meelu’s head bobbed. Ben wondered if he should feel guilty, as if he had cheated Meelu, then dismissed the notion as ridiculous. Meelu only wanted what he wanted too: a diversion. And he’d given no indication that he was wondering what it would feel like to slip his tongue into Hux and hear him moan in pleasure while he made sure that Meelu had a good time too.

As his own hand reached into his shorts, Ben promised himself this was the last time he’d fantasise about Hux while he brought himself off. He would accept that Hux probably wanted Dopheld and he would do what he could to make sure Hux got what he wanted.

That day and the next passed in a kind of quiet torpor. Ben’s routine involved being tutored by Luke after breakfast, sometimes with Rey joining in too, then studying alone after lunch. Usually he would join his friends for games or swimming when his head couldn’t take in anything more. Dinner almost always involved guests and Ben would be prevailed upon to supply his share of conversation. On the day Leia sent Hux to go fact checking, Ben attributed his absence from lunch and dinner to having been engrossed in his task of chasing information in the public records office. When Ben asked why Hux was absent from the table the next morning, Leia said that he’d grabbed an early breakfast and gone out running while the air was still cool, and would be back after lunch. When Hux did appear for dinner, he sat at the far end of the table away from Ben and made polite conversation only with the people sitting near him. Ben, who sat with Meelu opposite and Dopheld at his side, pushed his hurt down and smiled.

“You know,” he said to Dopheld, “my mom’s intern seems like a nice guy.”  
“Armitage?” said Dopheld. “Yeah, he’s okay.”  
“Aren’t you two together?”  
Dopheld turned his head to look at Ben. “Not really. He’s a good dancer but doesn’t have much to say for himself.”  
Ben contemplated the remaining food on his plate. “Perhaps he’s shy because he likes you.”  
“Or perhaps he just doesn’t like me enough to bother talking to me.”  
Across the table, Meelu waved her fork at Ben. “Are you eating that, or can I have it?”  
Ben laughed and offered her his last fried aubergine slice, dipping it in cream cheese sauce and holding it up with his fingers. “Come get it.”  
Meelu leaned over and took a bite while Dopheld murmured, “at least _someone’s_ getting laid tonight.”

After dinner they took their wine and glasses into the garden and sat around, drinking and talking. Ben stood beside Hux. “Doph’s a really nice guy. I saw you two dancing in town. Looks like you really hit it off.”  
Hux watched Leia, Amilyn and Dopheld’s mother team up against Han, Lando and Dopheld’s father for a spheredunk shootout. “Did we?” He kept his eyes on the game. “He’s not really my type.”  
Ben was quiet for a few seconds. “Well, he likes you but he’s a bit shy. Why don’t you go talk to him?”  
Hux turned to look at Ben. “Are you matchmaking?” Ben feigned shock and Hux shook his head. “If that’s what you’re up to, you can stop it right now.” Hux’s face slipped into a frown. “Look, just because you’ve got your girl doesn’t mean you have to pair everyone else up too.”  
“That’s not— Oh never mind.” Ben scowled and turned away. By the time he’d reached Meelu’s side, Ben had only partly shaken off Hux’s rebuke. Meelu slipped her arm around Ben’s waist. “Your parents look like they’re going to be busy for a while.”  
“Oh?” Ben smiled. “Want to slip away?”  
Meelu nodded and they casually wandered in the direction of the house. Hux watched them with a face like a thundercloud.

Once inside the house and out of earshot of everyone outdoors, Meelu laughed and grabbed Ben’s hand, half-pulling him upstairs to his room. They were almost entirely in Hux’s room before Ben yelled and pulled her back out and steered her to his own room. Inside, they undressed quickly and lay on the bed, facing each other, side by side.  
“You want to?” asked Ben.  
“Yeah. You?” replied Meelu. Ben grinned. He reached over the side of the bed to grab his bag, rummaged in it and produced lube and a pack of condoms. Meelu laughed. “Great galaxy, you planned ahead. Ben Solo actually thought ahead. I have to go tell everyone.” She half-sat and Ben rolled on top of her, pushing her back onto the bed, laughing.  
“Not a word,” he said. “You’ll ruin my terrible reputation. Back in a second.” Ben rolled from the bed onto his feet in one fluid motion and took the lube and condom pack into the bathroom. He opened the lube and squeezed some out, washing it down the sink, then placed the lube on the shelf of the cabinet that also held Hux’s shaving kit. Next, he took one condom from the pack and set the open pack beside the lube.

Smiling, Ben returned to find Meelu lazily playing with her breasts. “Can I do that?” he asked. In reply, Meelu raised her arms above her head and nodded. Ben lay down and pulled Meelu on top of him, kissing her while he played with her breasts, kneading gently and circling her nipples with his thumbs. When he felt Meelu shift to straddle him, he slid his hands over her body to caress the swell of her ass and pull her down onto him. She laughed softly.  
“Not so fast, loverboy. Where’s the condom?”  
Ben let go and Meelu sat up, reached for the foil pack and opened it. She held the condom in one hand and stroked Ben hard with the other, then unrolled the condom over Ben’s cock.  
“If I’m behind you,” Ben said, “then I can rub your cunt too.”  
Meelu grinned and they moved until Meelu knelt on the bed and Ben fingered her for a few seconds then entered her slowly from behind. He supported his weight on one hand and let her guide his fingers to the slick nub of her clit. Ben followed the movement as Meelu slowly lowered herself to lie with Ben’s hand trapped under her, and Ben’s cock inside her. Slowly at first, Ben thrust his hips. Meelu moaned into Ben’s pillow and he sped up, not caring any more how much noise they made between Meelu’s moaning, his short, breathy grunts, and the relentless, regular squeak of the bed frame. Eyes closed, Ben imagined Hux stifling cries of pleasure with the pillow while Ben fucked him into a state of bliss like he had never experienced before. The thought of making Hux come with his cock thrusting in Hux’s arse and his hand pumping Hux’s cock was enough to send Ben suddenly into his climax. Meelu laughed and told him not to dare stop, but Ben slipped out and turned her over. He entered her again with two fingers and brought her off with his lips and tongue.

A while later, sated and lying against each other, Meelu murmured, “I wish I was in love with you.”  
Ben kissed her lekku. “I like you a lot,” he said. “I don’t think I’m capable of falling in love. Or maybe it’s staying in love that’s the problem.”  
“We should go back out,” Meelu said, sighing. Ben got up to get rid of the used condom he’d dropped over the edge of the bed. Meelu followed him into the bathroom to wash her face. “You’re a very considerate lay,” she said, words seeming too loud in the small space. “I like that in a fuck buddy.” She kissed Ben’s cheek then returned to the bedroom to get dressed. With a feeling that oscillated between horror and excitement, Ben realised that Hux was back in his room.

Hux left early the next day and the next again and Ben did not see him at all. On the third day, Leia announced that she was taking Armitage with her to the central records office in the city and they would probably be gone all day. Ben followed his usual routine of training with Luke and independent study, followed by reading novels by the small swimming pool. On the day he knew Hux would be gone, once bored with alternately lying in the sun and cooling off in the pool, he snuck into Hux’s room on the pretext of getting more of his clothes from the closet. He stood in the doorway, looking at all the signs that Hux lived there. There were clothes hanging here and there: swimming shorts drying over the back of the chair and three pairs of underpants on top of the dresser. Ben touched each item and smelled the familiar laundry detergent on the underwear. He opened the closet and felt through Hux’s shirts until he found his favourite—the mint green one Hux had arrived in that still had its sleeves rolled up—and he shrugged out of his own shirt and put this one on. He ducked his head to smell the fabric, breathing in the warm, slightly sweet, slightly sour scent of Hux’s sweat. There was a book on the floor, bookmark protruding from between its pages. Ben picked it up and flipped the pages until he found where Hux had been reading. He lay back on Hux’s bed and read the two facing pages then rolled over to put the book back on the floor. He caught the scent of Hux’s aftershave on the pillow and inhaled deeply, burying his face in it, then hugged the pillow to his chest. Ben replaced the pillow and lay on his front, wondering if he dare slip between the sheets. What if Hux came back early and saw him in his bed, wearing his clothes, reading his book! Would he be furious? Would he think Ben creepy or would he finally see how desperately Ben desired him?

Ben resisted for about thirty seconds. He stood up and took a few of his clothes from the closet just in case he needed to bolt from the room with his excuse prepared, then pulled back the bedcovers and got in. He lay face down again, lost in the atmosphere of _Hux_ and felt the familiar tingle of his nascent erection. He knew he should stop and put the bed to rights then go to his own room and think of something else, but the desire to have this overwhelmed him. He imagined Hux beneath him, on top of him, everywhere, and thrust against the sheets a few times until he was hard, then a few times more, then pushed himself up a little and grabbed his own shirt to stuff under him as he rutted against Hux’s bed. He came hard, panting into Hux’s pillow, the burn of shame at what he had just done cooled by relief that he’d caught all his come in his own shirt. He cleaned up, tidied the bed, grabbed his soiled shirt and his clean ones and walked to his own room.

It was an hour later as he heard Leia’s speeder stop and two voices outside that Ben realised he was still wearing Hux’s mint green shirt. He quickly changed and replaced Hux’s shirt in his closet then went downstairs for dinner. Hux sat on the opposite side of the table, at the other end and Ben could watch him but without being able to converse easily. Their evening guests, a lively couple who kept up a constant stream of information and pointed questions (which they answered without waiting for a reply) sat beside Hux, with the older woman opposite Ben. By the end of the main course, Ben didn’t know whether he wanted to laugh at their good-natured absurdity or to throttle one of them just so that the noise would cease. He looked up as Lando brought in dessert and saw that Hux was looking at him. Ben stifled a giggle as Hux slowly and deliberately rolled his eyes.

Not even Leia was cruel enough to force Ben to stay and socialise after the table was cleared. He took his wine glass, refilled it, and wandered outside to where he had left his book on one of the two chairs tucked under the little garden table beside the pool. He sat in the fading light, sipping wine and trying to read until a voice interrupted him. “Mind if I join you?”  
Ben turned in surprise to see Hux standing nearby. “Suit yourself, if that means you’ve stopped avoiding me,” Ben said with a shrug, but he pushed the second chair out with his foot and Hux sat down.  
“I wanted to talk to you about something personal,” Hux said, and Ben’s heart sank. Here it comes, he thought. Here’s the ‘let’s be friends’, the ‘you’re a nice boy but’ or the ‘I just don’t like you that way’.  
“So talk,” Ben said, a little sharply. “Sorry, I’m still reeling from dinner.”  
Hux flashed Ben a tight little smile. “Well then. Let’s sit quietly until you stop.”  
“It’s okay,” Ben said, feeling that maybe he’d been wrong about Hux. “I’m a grown up. I can take it, whatever you need to talk to me about.” Hux was quiet for a few seconds, lips thinned and pulled tight, and the dread returned to Ben.  
“There is no easy or nice way to say this but—“  
“You don’t have to say anything—“  
“My father is Brendol Hux, commandant of the Imperial Academy on Arkanis. A convicted war criminal.”  
“Oh!” Ben tried to control his face. He wanted to yell to the darkening sky how happy he was that Hux wasn’t telling him to back off.  
“They all call me Armitage because nobody wants to be associated with a Hux. I assumed you knew and didn’t mind but Leia said you probably didn’t know about my family.”  
“Oh.” Ben sucked his lower lip and stared at breeze-blown ripples on the pool surface.  
“I changed my legal name from Armitage Hux to Armitage Sloane. I don’t know why I introduced myself to you as Armitage Hux. To see if you’d react, I suppose, to see if Leia had entertained you all with horror stories about my father.”  
“Do you want me to call you something else? Sloane? Armitage? Armie?”  
Hux shuddered at ‘Armie’. “I like when you call me Hux. From you and it sounds pure. There’s no judgment in your face and no disgust in your voice when you say it. When you call me Hux, you’re speaking to me and not to the atrocities committed by my father. Anyway, I told you. So you know.”  
Ben chewed his lip for another few seconds, then said, “My other grandfather was Darth Vader. We don’t talk about it. I think I’m not supposed to know.”  
“Fuck!” Hux stifled a startled little laugh with his hand.  
Ben shrugged. “If we’re choosing names, I want you to call me Kylo. It’s my true name, the name I hear when I’m most connected to the Force. I have not told Luke or Leia or Han. I think they’d freak out if I said I heard a voice calling to me when I’m in my very deepest meditations.”  
Hux nodded. “Very well. Thank you for not judging me.” He stood up and tucked the little chair back under the table. “And for trusting me. Goodnight, Kylo.”

The next morning, Hux smiled over his jogan fruit juice at Ben, and Ben smiled back. Leia and Han exchanged a knowing glance.  
“Sweetheart,” Leia handed her son a cup of caf. “Would you mind going into town with Armitage this morning and helping out with some errands?”  
Ben frowned at Leia while Hux examined his pastry. “If you want,” Ben said.  
“Thanks,” said Leia. She handed him a list.  
Hux finished the last flakes of his pastry and tapped his fingers on the table. “I’ll be ready when you are.” Ben downed his caf and grabbed a second pastry, shoving half of it in his mouth while he got up. He ran upstairs to get his bag and when he came back down, Han pointed without looking up to where Hux was standing by the speeders. Ben waved goodbye to his parents and soon they were roaring their way into town where they parked the speeders and agreed to meet up at a pavement cantina in two hours.

Hux was already there when Ben arrived back, sipping tea and reading from a sheaf of papers.  
“We should go,” Ben said, pointing to the pink-tinged skin just above Hux’s knees. “You’re burning. Didn’t you wear sunscreen?” Hux stood up and followed Ben back to the speeders. When Ben mounted his, he turned back to look at Hux. “I know how we can cool that off,” he said. Hux nodded and they set off again back toward the villa, but Ben veered off the road and led them down a side-track under the dappled shade of trees until the track petered out and they were riding carefully over the scrubby undergrowth until they reached the shore of the lake. There was shade from the trees and a small gravel beach.  
“This is my place,” Ben said. “I come here when I want to be on my own to read or to meditate. It’s mine. I don’t think anyone else knows about it.” Hux dismounted and walked across the rough beach. Ben overtook, slipping off his shoes and peeling off his shirt and dropping them before he ran splashing into the water. He looked back. “Coming?”  
Hux laughed and shook his head, but after a few seconds he removed his battered canvas pumps and followed. “I’m not taking my shirt off,” he said. “Sunburn.”  
Ben laughed. “I can cool that for you too,” he said, sending a curving wall of water up and over Hux. Hux stared as the water hung impossibly above him, then shrieked when Ben released it to cascade down. He stood with his mouth open, water running from his hair and his clothes, staring at Ben.  
“I can’t believe you... You just... Kylo!” Hux launched himself at Ben, laughing. “You’re kriffing impossible!”  
Ben let Hux tackle him and toppled over backwards to dunk them both in the lake with a whoop of delight. They wrestled above the surface and below until Hux called it off and retreated to the shallower water close to shore. Ben swam for a minute more then approached Hux, standing to face him in the knee-deep water. He waited for Hux to react then took another step closer, a deliberate move into Hux’s personal space, holding Hux’s gaze. Hux stood still for a few seconds then looked away and said, “Kylo,” with a nervous laugh. The moment slipped from the present into the past and Ben laughed too as he turned away.

They moved up the beach to the shade of the overhanging trees. Hux opened his shirt to let the warm, drying air circulate more easily and sat cross-legged with his elbows resting on his knees. “Can I ask you about your family?” Hux said once Ben settled beside him, lying back with his bag for a pillow and his book in his hand.  
“If you want,” said Ben.  
“You’re Leia and Han’s son.”  
“Did your fact checking confirm that?”  
“Insolent boy. How does Lando fit in? I mean, he’s not actually your uncle, is he?”  
Ben laughed. “It’s either very complicated or very simple. Depends on your opinions. Leia and Han were involved at the end of the Empire and decided to stick with each other because they are good for each other and they had me. Han and Lando are on-again-off-again but they go way back. Leia and Amilyn have been inseparable for, oh, _forever._ Luke is my only actual uncle. They all love each other in different ways, I suppose, and that’s okay. Simple.”

Hux smiled and took out his papers and they lazed together reading until the cool morning wilted into early afternoon heat. Ben let his book fall to the side and Hux secured his papers under a rock against the weak breeze that smelled of lake water, then lay down too. Ben sighed.  
“What?” asked Hux.  
“I love this,” said Ben. “All of this. Being here.”  
Hux turned his head to look at Ben but Ben’s eyes were closed and he wore a relaxed smile. “Being here... with me?”  
“Yeah that’s okay I guess,” Ben said, lips curving into a wide grin.  
Hux laughed softly. He turned onto his side and propped himself up on his elbow and watched Ben’s face for a while. Sensing the scrutiny, Ben barely breathed. Hux slowly reached out and stroked Ben’s face, pulling one finger gently along Ben’s jawline then tracing the outline of his mouth. Ben parted his lips and moved his head to follow Hux’s touch, trying to capture the finger, but Hux evaded him. He sat up and turned to face Hux, waiting for a move either towards him or away, but Hux held his ground. Ben moved in, their parted lips barely an inch apart, and waited. When Hux moved, but did not move _away,_ Ben leaned in and kissed him. It was just the barest, tentative touch of their lips at first but then Ben licked the point of his tongue across Hux’s lips. Hux groaned and kissed Ben back, letting Ben push his soft tongue between his lips for a second. Ben wanted more, tried to guide Hux to lie on his back and let him clamber on top, but Hux angled his head away and turned aside so that Ben rolled onto his front beside him.   
Hux sighed. “Happy now?”  
Ben breathed out a sound halfway between a sigh and a laugh, and for a couple of heartbeats he felt as if the galaxy might be waiting for him to decide what to do next. Ben levered himself up and onto Hux, pushing Hux down onto his back and kissing him again with confident affection and growing passion. Hux yielded for a few seconds then rolled Ben off and sat up.  
“No,” he said softly. “We shouldn’t. We can’t.”  
“We can do what we want,” said Ben.  
“No.” Hux shook his head with more resolve. “I don’t want—”  
“I think you do.” Ben’s hand landed on Hux’s crotch, solid pressure with only the thin cotton of Hux’s shorts preserving what little remained of his dignity.  
Hux swallowed and took a deep breath. He put his hand over Ben’s, holding it against his erection and laced their fingers together. “No,” he repeated. “I’ve been good. I’ve done nothing wrong yet. There’s nothing to regret.” Hux lifted Ben’s hand away and pressed it onto Ben’s knee then stood up and dusted himself down. He held out his hand and Ben let himself be pulled to his feet.

They rode home with Hux leading the way and Ben wondering what he had done wrong.


	3. Don’t get me wrong

Ben and Hux made it back in time to catch the end of lunch. Leia’s housekeeper droid waved them into vacant seats and brought desserts for everyone. Perhaps it was the heightened emotions of the morning and the feeling of Hux’s foot caressing his under the table, or perhaps it was the sudden influx of sugar on an empty stomach, but Ben felt as if his consciousness lifted out of his head and hovered above, looking down on the table. He did not recognise the sensation for what it was until his ears were ringing, his world was spinning and the ground was fast rising to meet him. Vaguely, he heard the muffled words _I’ve got him_ and _he’ll be okay, this happens sometimes_ before exhaustion blanked his mind.

When Ben blinked and groaned, he was lying on his side in a darkened room, warm and comfortable.  
“Are you okay?” Hux asked. “Was that my fault?”  
Ben groaned again and shook his head. He felt his legs being moved and realised he was lying on the sofa with his legs across Hux’s lap and his feet up on cushions. “Not you. Don’t go,” he slurred, and Hux stopped trying to get up.  
“Very well. Does this happen a lot?”  
Ben shrugged. He moved his arm to make a pillow for himself and concentrated, trying to remember the vivid images and loud noises that had invaded his mind while he was out cold. He remembered black and red and searing heat and the voice calling _Kylo, Ky-y-y-lo-o-o!_ as if to entice him further in. Then space-cold, dark nothingness all around him as his atoms slowly dispersed until he was completely gone. He shivered and Hux reached over to rub his arm.  
“What’s on your mind?”  
“Death by evaporation,” Ben said, reaching one hand up and back to make contact with Hux’s shoulder. “At least I didn’t puke. I hope.”  
Hux huffed out a laugh and took one of Ben’s feet into his hands. He kneaded the sole and Ben flinched, hand gripping the fabric of Hux’s shirt and pulling it further open. “Let me,” Hux reassured. “You’ll feel better.”

Ben closed his eyes and relaxed, absently caressing Hux’s shoulder while Hux massaged Ben’s captive foot with touches firm enough not to make him squirm and pull his foot away, then took the other foot and repeated the massage. Ben’s hand slipped away as he fell into a calm slumber and did not notice when Hux kissed his ankle then eased out from under his legs. When Ben woke up properly a while later, his feet were in Unamo’s lap and his head was being cradled by Meelu.  
“Welcome back, sleepy head,” Meelu said, patting his cheek. “Armitage said you were feeling unwell. We decided to keep you company because we are nice people.”  
Ben raised his head and looked around. “Where is he?”  
Unamo shrugged and stroked Ben’s shin. “He was leaving on his speeder as we arrived. Didn’t say where he was going.”  
Still feeling lingering fatigue, Ben closed his eyes again and pretended to sleep so that he could avoid making his disappointment obvious.

Unamo and Meelu got restless after a while and Ben let them go join their friends in the garden. He went to his room, peered through the open door into Hux’s room, showered and changed, then dozed and read until the dinner gong sounded. Hux was not at the table. Ben reasoned that he was in town running errands and would return soon. He haunted the main areas of the house, listening for familiar footsteps or a welcome voice, then sat outside by the gate until it was too dark to see anyone approach on the track that led to the villa. Ben gave up and went inside. Upstairs, he lay nude on top of his bed, unable to sleep. When he eventually heard the creak of a floorboard that signalled Hux’s return, Ben closed his eyes and forced his breathing into a steady pattern. He listened as Hux pottered around in the bathroom, a smile tugging at his lips, but flinched when Hux reached for the handle of the door he’d left open in invitation, wide enough for Hux to see him if he cared to look, and pulled it firmly closed. Ben turned over and groaned _you fucking tease,_ muffled words spoken into his pillow. For ten seconds, Ben considered opening the door again and yelling those same words into the yellow nighttime glow from Hux’s room.

He resisted. The next morning, yawning from lack of sleep, Ben poured his caf and helped himself to pastry and sat at the breakfast table on the terrace just as Hux drained his jogan fruit juice and got up to leave, saying that he had a lot of cross-referencing to do. Ben trained with Luke and Rey without making much progress and Luke scolded him for not keeping his mind on the task when Rey landed a stinging blow with a triumphant cheer. When they broke for lunch, Hux ate in silence, eating as rapidly as politeness would allow and refusing wine, then went back to work at the small garden table beside the pool. Ben followed with the text he was supposed to study and they sat near one another yet not together, working on their separate tasks. Ben couldn’t focus on the complex translation—Galactic Basic did not seem to have enough words to express the old Jedi text Luke wanted transcribed—and when he attempted to meditate the Force eluded him. Dinner provided another period of silence from Hux. Ben was ill-tempered, refusing to entertain when asked if he would show off the moves he had been practicing with Rey that morning or explain what he had learned from the pages Luke had set him to translate and meditate upon that afternoon. Hux thanked Han for making a lovely meal and excused himself, saying that he wanted to go into town.

Ben took his glass of wine down to the pool, but that reminded him of being ignored there by Hux so he wandered back to the terrace. The adults wanted conversation that he did not feel like providing, so he made the excuse that he was still tired from the previous day’s faint and went to his room. Once inside, he opened the door to the balcony and stood in the warm evening breeze. Perhaps, he wondered, he might take control. Hux was older than him and Ben considered that it was possible Hux saw that as a barrier although Ben thought he could not have been clearer in communicating both his experience and his desire. Perhaps, he thought as he leaned his hips against the balustrade and looked over at the ornate metalwork protecting the glass of Hux’s balcony door, instead of throwing himself at Hux and waiting to see if Hux would catch, he should be direct with his words rather than his actions. With a deep sigh, Ben sat on the cool duracrete floor of the balcony with his legs stretched out. If only he’d said, ‘It’s nice here, let’s stay a while longer,’ instead of lunging at Hux with a clumsy kiss. If only he’d laughed and smiled and said, ‘I like you and I think you like me too and that’s okay,’ instead of shoving his hand on Hux’s crotch. Or, Ben wondered, what if he’d said nothing at all and instead of touching Hux through scant layers of clothing, what if he’d slipped his hand inside Hux’s shorts, teased his balls and felt his cock harden under his palm? Would Hux have turned him down then?

He decided he would do something. When Hux came home from the cantina or the nightclub or whatever hookup Ben imagined he’d arranged, Ben would have another glass of wine to ease his nerves, and if Hux closed the internal connecting doors he would simply walk into Hux’s room from the balcony. Once inside, Ben imagined, he would drop his shorts, walk out of them, and slip into bed with Hux. If Hux didn’t react, Ben would take charge, kiss him and touch him everywhere until Hux was as helplessly desperate as he was, then Ben would tell him exactly what he wanted in as many languages as it took for Hux to understand. Mind made up, Ben stood and grasped the handle of Hux’s balcony door. It was locked.

Comforted by his decision, Ben slept and missed Hux’s midnight return to the villa. Hux barely spoke at breakfast, and then only to thank Leia for caf and fruit juice and to say that he had a lot of work to do. Lunch was similarly lacking in the kind of conversation Ben wanted and, as he had done the day before, Ben let Hux settle to work at the poolside table then sat nearby with his own studies. Hux barely spared him a glance, and Ben felt a heavy pressure in his chest that threatened to erupt in a display of bad temper. On a whim, he abandoned the text that vexed him and fetched his training staff. He stood a little further away from Hux, grounded himself with an old mantra, lips repeating the shapes of _I am one with the Force and the Force is with me_ without making a sound. He started on the first sabre form, concentrating on each deliberate move, then let the moves flow into one another. Just as he embarked on the third form, Ben sensed that Hux had stood up. Without a word, Hux walked past Ben and back into the house. Ben yelled in fury and threw his training staff towards the orchard where it bounced harmlessly from a tree branch and dislodged a purple jogan fruit, ripe and ready to burst on the baked ground in a flurry of seeds and pulp. Ben sat heavily on the yellowing grass, balancing the urge to run after Hux and demand to know what his problem was with the urge to unleash his temper and lay waste to the entire orchard.

In the end, it was the gardener who came to Ben’s rescue. The old Gungan ambled slowly up to Ben, peered down at him, and said, “Meesa havva problem. Youssa come pick or no pudding-pie.”  
Ben got up and followed the tall but bent figure between the trees to where a ladder leaned precariously against a tree. Ben looked up at the ripest fruits and concentrated, reaching out a hand. One at a time, swollen fruits twisted themselves off their stalks and drifted down to the basket in the gardener’s gnarled hands. Once the basket was full, Ben stopped. “Enough?” he asked. The gardener nodded, ears flapping, and grinned showing a few large, blunt teeth. Ben lifted the basket from his hands and said, “kitchen?”

Hux came to the table for dinner, but again he ignored Ben and again he excused himself to go into town. Again Ben imagined Hux drinking and dancing, flirting and fucking, having a good time with someone whose only qualification was not to be him. Once the dishes were clean and stacked, Han hugged Ben in an awkward one-armed manner that made Ben wonder if he’d been told to _go say something to your son._ “Hey why don’t you call your friends and go out too?” he suggested. “I bet there’s a crowd down at the lake, or getting ready for a night on the town. Cheer yourself up.” Ben nodded. He called Meelu and she agreed to meet him in town only after he promised her ice cream.

“I shouldn’t have come,” Meelu said when Ben leaned down to kiss her cheek in greeting.  
“Not even for an extra topping?” said Ben, wiggling his eyebrows. Meelu snorted.  
“There’ll be none of that tonight. I’m not in the mood so turn off the charm,” she said. But she let Ben take her hand and they walked to the ice cream parlour, Meelu chatting about what their friends were all doing tonight and Ben half-listening in silence. The walk through the narrow streets and cobbled squares took them past cantinas and cafes. Each time they passed a door or a window, Ben glanced in and listened in case he might glimpse a flash of copper hair or hear Hux’s clipped accent. With ice creams in their hands, Meelu led Ben back to the main square and they sat on a stone bench beside a small fountain.  
Ben finished his ice cream and took Meelu’s hand. “I think we should date,” he said.  
Meelu stared at him. “You’re joking, right?”  
Ben frowned. “What do you mean? Of course I’m not joking. I like you. We’re good together.”  
Lekku twitching in a way Ben couldn’t interpret, Meelu abandoned her ice cream and turned to face Ben properly. “Ben. I like you but I won’t be your consolation prize.”  
“You’re not!” Ben lied to Meelu as easily as he lied to himself.  
“You’re in love,” said Meelu in a slow, sing-song voice. “But not with me. Does he know?” Ben sighed and banged his fist repeatedly, gently, on the stone bench. Meelu shook her head and laughed with no trace of unkindness. “Have you told him? Did he turn you down?”  
Ben shook his head and leaned forward, face hidden behind his hands. “Fucking Sith,” he said. “Are you all laughing at me behind me back?”  
“No,” said Meelu with a shrug. She put her arm around Ben’s shoulders and squeezed. “I think it’s only me, Unamo and Dopheld who suspect anything. Phasma’s served him when he’s been drinking in Maz’s cantina a few times. She said he flirts a bit but doesn’t seem interested in leaving with anyone.” Meelu’s voice brightened. “Perhaps he’s just not that into sex.”  
Ben sighed and gave Meelu a weak smile. “Yeah whatever,” he said. “Want to come down to the lake with me?”  
“Stars, no,” said Meelu. “Ask me again when he’s out of your system. I have standards. When does he leave?”

Ben escorted Meelu to the cantina where she’d arranged to meet their friends then picked up his speeder and went home. In the excitement of getting to know Hux, he’d forgotten that he wasn’t a permanent addition to their loose, sprawling family. The thought that Hux might leave and never really know how Ben felt filled him with despair. He had to do something. Tonight, if he had the courage. Throwing himself at Hux physically had failed. He suspected Hux would snub him with polite disregard if he tried to start a conversation. He had to try some other way of confessing his feelings. As he sat in his room, staring morosely at his desk, his eyes alighted on his journal and pen set. He would write a note.

 ~~Do you hate me?~~  
Too abrupt.  
~~Your silence is killing me as surely as if~~  
Too dramatic, and he’d scrawled.  
~~I wish you would stop avoiding me.~~  
Too whiny.  
~~I need you so much it~~  
Too clingy. He thought about what Hux had told him of his personal life and wrote in the clear, flowing script of High Galactic.  
_I can’t stand this. I want us to talk._

Ben listened at the door to confirm that Hux had not yet returned. He folded the page torn from his journal and slipped it under Hux’s door, then he leapt into bed and pulled the covers up over his head. Hux might flick it back under the door, or put it in the trash for Ben to see, discarded without a thought. He might hold it out to him, saying, “I think you dropped this and please keep out of my room.” He might not see it at all and at the end of the week it would be swept up by their housekeeper droid and incinerated with the rest of the household detritus. Ben heard Hux’s footsteps in the hall, heard the click of his door opening, listened for the squeak of that one floorboard, and followed the sounds of the rest of Hux’s bed time routine with no idea of whether or not Hux had received the note. He was still none the wiser when Hux’s light clicked off and the yellow glow that bathed the balcony whenever Hux read in bed vanished.

Hux came down late for breakfast, yawning. He poured his caf and glanced at Ben.  
“Did you have a good time last night?” he asked. Ben looked up, frowning.  
“I suppose,” he said. “Did you? I heard you come home late.”  
“Well then, I’m sorry about your insomnia,” said Hux.  
Han and Leia exchanged a look over their heads. “Armitage?” Leia smiled. “Can you bring your caf with you? We’ve got a new set of records from a star destroyer wreck on Jakku to examine for evidence. We’re going to be busy.” Hux nodded and got up to follow Leia, leaving his caf behind. Han clapped Ben on the shoulder on the way past.  
“Luke called, said to remind you to bring your latest translation and your interpretation of it.”  
Ben snorted. “You know that’s just his way of getting you to remind me that I have homework due?”  
“Sure, son.” Han smiled. “You need an excuse?”  
“No, I’ve done it.” Ben got up. “I’ll get it.” He jogged upstairs to his room. There, on top of his work, was the same folded journal page that he had slipped under Hux’s door last night. He reached for the paper and unfolded it. There, in Durese, one cramped word had been added under his message.

_Midnight._

Immediately, the thought of Hux’s skin and Hux’s body and Hux’s touch and Hux’s lips came crashing back to Ben. Hux had been in his room and left the note where it would be found right away. He must have waited until after Ben went down to breakfast then waited to make sure Ben wasn’t going to come back up for some forgotten item, looked for paper then written the reply on Ben’s original note so that the meaning would be crystal clear. He must have stood in the doorway and wondered where to place it. It made Ben wonder if Hux’s comment to him over breakfast had really been sarcasm or if he’d just overreacted to an innocent greeting. _Midnight._ He pressed the word to his lips and stored the note between two unused pages of his journal then went downstairs with his translation work. The next fifteen hours promised to be torture.

Inevitably, lunch then dinner came and went with no sign of either Leia or Hux. The housekeeper droid trundled away with two covered meal trays and Ben was left with Han and Lando for company. Lando winked at Ben. “You going to see that gorgeous girl of yours tonight? Make me the great-uncle of a beautiful human-twi’lek baby?”  
Han put his hand on Lando’s arm. “Stop embarrassing the boy.”  
“She’s not my girl,” Ben said without looking up. Lando’s face softened into sympathetic misunderstanding.  
“Oh my poor boy, I’m sorry she gave you the brush-off. Want to hang out and play sabacc with Han and me instead?”  
Ben shook his head. He took advantage of Lando’s slight misconception. “No, I think I’ll finish my wine out by the pool then go mope in my room,” he said as he picked up his glass, still full of the one drink Han had poured for him. Outside was cool and quiet and away from company.

Over the next three hours Ben agonised over possible ways _midnight_ might go to the point where he wondered if the best approach was to back out. Every chain of events passed through his imagination, from him knocking on Hux’s door, being invited in warmly and held and kissed and fucked until he could see stars behind his eyelids, to him knocking on Hux’s door and kept waiting because Hux had changed his mind, or wanted to teach him a lesson in patience and humility. He could stay away and pretend the note had never been written, he decided one moment. Then in the next moment he knew for sure that his obsession with Hux would never leave him alone and he needed Hux himself to tell him that this non-relationship was over. The worst, he thought, would be if Hux wanted to remain friends. He couldn’t stand that kind of pseudo-acceptance as if he could easily cool down his burning ardour to a mere passing acquaintanceship. In the half hour it took to sip away his wine, Ben had decided that he would demand that Hux admit that he hated him and end it properly, then he would ask Leia if he may move into Uncle Luke’s apartment for the rest of the summer or go away somewhere with Han and Lando, at least until Hux had gone.

Somewhere between the garden and his bedroom, Ben decided that Hux must like him or he would not have written _midnight_ at all. In that scenario, Ben would knock on Hux’s door and maybe hug him. Or maybe that was too childish. No, he would offer a conciliatory handshake and maybe a kiss on the cheek, or maybe Hux would find that odd since they had already kissed. Ben sighed. Maybe he would knock on the door and stand there like a clueless fool until Hux realised he wasn’t worth the trouble. Ben got ready for bed. He showered and changed into clean pyjama shorts and pulled on a soft shirt. Sometime before midnight he heard Hux trudge back to his room and close the door, then he heard the hiss of the shower. Maybe Hux would go straight to bed, exhausted because he had been working for fifteen hours. Maybe he had forgotten. Ben paced his room for a few minutes then sat on his bed and turned out his lamp. He looked out at the balcony where light from Hux’s room lent the cold, grey duracrete a warm, golden hue. He watched the light brighten and dim as Hux moved around his room, occasionally checking the time. At one minute before midnight, Ben got up and opened the door onto the balcony where he stood looking out with a white-knuckle grip on the railing. Ten seconds later, Hux was by his side, exactly mirroring his stance.

“I’m glad you came,” Hux said quietly. “I wasn’t sure you would. When you turned your light off I thought you had decided to go to bed.”  
“I wasn’t sure I would either,” Ben confessed.   
Hux moved his hand from the tight grip of the railing and laid it on top of Ben’s hand. “Come in,” he said, leading Ben into his room. Hux sat on his bed. “Sit if you like.”  
Ben looked at the chair, strewn with discarded clothes, then sat on the bed with Hux, as close as he dared. He looked at the grey-green eyes that hadn’t left him since he entered the room. “I want us to talk,” he said.  
“I know,” Hux replied.”You said so in your note. High Galactic is so out of fashion it took me a minute to translate it.”  
Ben blew out a laugh through his nose. “Well I apologise for being unfashionable,” he said, and grinned. Hux grinned back. Ben looked away after a minute of staring. “Sorry. I stare. I can’t help it.”  
“I don’t mind,” Hux said. “I want us to be able to be open with each other.”  
“What about?”  
“We are very different people, Kylo.”  
“Don’t patronise me.”  
“I didn’t mean it like that. I mean, we have very different backgrounds.”  
“Not really,” Ben raised his eyebrows. “Brendol Hux, Darth Vader. Which of us has the worst ancestor?” Hux’s face crinkled and he laughed, and Ben thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He grinned in sympathy. When Hux recovered, Ben stroked his face. “You want us to be open?”  
“Yes.” Hux nodded.  
“I want to kiss you and hold you. I want you to kiss me and not regret it. I want to touch you and I want you to touch me too.”  
Hux lowered his eyes for a moment then looked up at Ben’s face. “I work for your mother,” he said. “And I’m older than you. Won’t anyone mind?”  
“I won’t tell anyone,” Ben said with a shrug. “I’m old enough and it’s none of their business.”  
“You want us to kiss and hug and... touch.” Hux swallowed. “Anything else?”  
Sudden understanding inundated Ben’s mind and he felt his face heat up. “No,” he said. “I think that’s enough for now.”  
Hux smiled nervously. “Well then. I think I might like that. Come here.”

Ben crawled up the bed and lay beside Hux with his arms around him. He hoped the effect was more affectionate than childlike. Hux turned and stroked his face and kissed him. Ben kissed back, thinking he might pass out from the joy of being allowed to slip the point of his tongue between Hux’s lips and feel Hux do the same to him. Hux laughed. “Are you going to faint on me again?”  
“Shut up,” Ben said. “I’m going to put my hands inside your shirt. Okay?”  
“We could just take things off,” replied Hux. They sat up and Hux grabbed Ben’s shirt, giggling. “Off, off, off!”  
Ben laughed and pulled at Hux’s shirt too until they had to give up and undress themselves. Ben slipped nude between the sheets. Hux chewed his lip and frowned, thumbs hooking the waistband of his shorts. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want,” Ben said. “I’ll put mine back on if it offends you.”  
Hux rubbed his face and removed his shorts. He got into bed with Ben. “I’m really not what you imagined, am I?”  
Ben held Hux close and kissed him. “That doesn’t matter now,” he said. “Nobody needs to know anything you don’t want to tell them.”

Ben pulled Hux on top of him and let his hands rove Hux’s skin from his face to his hips. Slowly, he eased his hands lower over the slight swell of Hux’s ass. Hux kept one hand on Ben’s unruly hair and with the other he felt as much of Ben’s skin as he could comfortably reach. Ben planted both hands on Hux’s buttocks and pulled their hips together.  
“What do you think you’d like, Hux?”  
“I thought about your hand, you know, at your place by the lake.”  
“Oh ho?” Ben laughed. “Did you get off thinking about my hand on you?”  
“Shut up, you insolent boy,” he said without fire.  
“I really _really_ want to do that. Can I?”  
Hux’s reply was barely a breath. “Yes, please.”  
Ben rolled Hux onto his back, kissed his lips and stroked a flat palm down his chest. Hux was already hard and Ben forced his laugh down in case Hux misinterpreted elation as derision. He clasped Hux’s shaft loosely and moved slowly, watching Hux’s eyes flutter closed and feeling the damp bead of precome already leaking from Hux’s cock. He wanted this to be good for Hux. He wanted to be good for Hux. Ben stroked open fingers under Hux’s balls and watched Hux react with a sharp intake of breath and a subdued profanity. He smiled and leaned in to kiss Hux, then remembered about the items he had placed on Hux’s shelf as a way of showing his experience with sex.  
“There’s lube—“  
“In here.” Hux pointed at the top drawer of the nightstand. Ben grinned but didn’t comment that Hux clearly prepared for tonight in case it embarrassed him. Lube warmed in his hand, Ben resumed kissing Hux and stroking his cock until Hux’s hips jerked and he came, spattering come onto both of them. Ben kissed Hux again and again.  
“You’re so beautiful.”  
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Hux said with a laugh.  
“You.” Kiss. “Are.” Kiss. “Beautiful.” Kiss.  
“What would you like me to do?”  
“Whatever you’re comfortable with,” Ben replied.  
“I fantasised about sucking you off. Can I do that? Will you laugh at me if I’m no good?”  
“Yes you can and no I won’t,” Ben said, “Because it’s not possible to get it wrong as long as you don’t bite.”  
Hux laughed. “And if I do?”  
“Then,” said Ben settling back against the pillows as Hux slid down his body, “that’s a discussion for another time.”


	4. Because I like to see you

Ben woke to filtered sunlight, birdsong and happiness at the feeling of Hux’s limbs tangled in his. He pretended to be asleep because he wanted to prolong the moment but Hux somehow knew and moved so that when Ben’s eyelids fluttered open again, he missed the warm contact of Hux’s skin. He turned his head and looked straight into Hux’s cool, pale, grey-green gaze.  
“Hi,” he said, smiling, drawing out the long vowel into a yawn.  
“Good morning,” said Hux. “It’s early.”  
“It really is,” Ben said, glancing at the red figures of the alarm clock. “Breakfast isn’t for a while.”  
“I wonder what we could find to do until then,” Hux said, smiling but not coming any closer.  
Ben smiled wider, full of warm confidence that Hux was his now and he could say anything. “I can think of something I’ve never done before, if you’re up for it.”  
Hux leaned over to give him a soft kiss. “What did you have in mind?”  
With a languorous stretch that ended with Ben’s arms extending around Hux then rocking Hux half way onto him, Ben said, “I want you in me. I want your fingers and I want your cock.”  
Hux stiffened and frowned. “You’d want that?”  
“Mm, yes,” Ben said, closing his eyes and stroking Hux’s back with his fingertips. “Right now I want that more than anything.”  
“Are you sure? It sounds... I don’t know.”  
Ben’s mood started to dip at Hux’s lack of enthusiasm. He took a deep breath. “It’s okay if you don’t want to.” Maybe Hux was tired since they hadn’t slept for long enough. He could ask again later, maybe slip away in the late afternoon heat for a swim and a fuck under the shade of the trees by ‘his’ little beach. Hux laid his head on Ben’s chest and listened to his heartbeat. After a minute, Ben kissed the top of Hux’s head and slipped out of bed to use the bathroom. He brushed his teeth and cleaned last night’s dried come from his skin, took the condoms from the cabinet then got back into Hux’s bed. Hux had risen and pulled on his shorts.  
“Come back to bed with me,” Ben said in his best sultry voice. Hux laughed.  
“You’re insatiable.”  
Ben pouted. “You weren’t complaining last night.”  
“I’m not complaining now,” Hux said, crawling back across the bed and lying on his side, observing Ben’s profile. He traced one fingertip from Ben’s hairline down his nose and lips to the point of his chin, then turned Ben’s face and kissed him. “Would it make you happy?” he said, and Ben’s heart flared with joy.

Hux slipped his shorts off again and reached for the lube. Ben tore open a foil and helped put the condom on Hux. Hux smeared lube on his forefinger and slid it under Ben’s balls to his entrance. Ben raised his knees and Hux eased his finger in. Head falling back, eyes closing, Ben smiled wide. Hux moved his finger around slowly, watching Ben’s face. At a sudden jolt of pleasure, Ben jerked a little and gasped.  
“Did I hurt you?” Hux partly withdrew his finger.  
“Fuck! Do that again!”  
Hux kissed the inside of Ben’s thigh and pushed his finger in deeper, finding the same spot that made Ben gasp and pull faces. “I could keep doing this,” Hux said. “You seem to like it.”  
“No I want— Fuck! I want your cock. Give it to me. I demand your— Ah, fuck yes! Cock.”  
Hux withdrew his finger and squeezed lube onto his hand, stroking his own cock with it then smeared more on Ben’s entrance. He guided his cock to press at Ben’s hole, supporting his weight on one hand. “You sure?”  
Ben felt like yelling. “Fuck, yes! Fuck me, Hux.”  
“You’ll say if you want me to stop?”  
This time, Ben’s voice raised enough to threaten their precarious privacy. “Do it, you tease!”  
Hux choked back a giggle. He leaned, pushing until he felt the tightness of Ben’s hole give a little and tight warmth enveloped the head of his cock. He stopped and held still, biting his own lip, face flushing. Ben let out a little moan and tensed his legs.  
“Should I stop?” asked Hux.  
“No,” Ben said, concentrating on the feeling, trying to relax more, trying to be good for Hux. “Gimme a minute.”  
Hux felt his arm start to ache and his muscles tremble from holding his weight for so long. When he heard Ben sigh and felt his legs relax again, he pushed in deeper. Half inch by half inch, Hux eased into Ben until his hips were pressed against Ben’s ass. Ben moaned and bit his lip. Hux lowered himself onto his forearms and kissed Ben.  
“Is this okay?” Hux asked. Ben nodded.  
“You?” he asked with a slight lift of his eyebrows. Hux sniggered and gave a little roll of his hips.  
“Oh, fuck, yes.”

They were both late for breakfast. Hux went downstairs first while Ben showered and messed up his own bedroom a bit for the sake of Hux’s privacy in case anyone looked in and saw that his bed hadn’t been used. He would have to be careful not to smile too widely or to announce to the assembled family over their caf that he’d just been thoroughly fucked and Hux was now his. When he arrived on the terrace, breakfast was being cleared away so he snagged a pastry and the remnants of the cooling caf and said he’d eat by the pool. Hux watched Ben walk a little stiffly and frowned. When Ben came back to return his plate and cup, Hux was already in Leia’s office sorting through witness records. Passing the office door, Lando asked Ben if he planned to meet his friends in town later and Ben replied, face heating up, that he didn’t feel like taking a speeder out today. At lunch, Ben took his plate and leaned sideways against a tree, watching Binks the gardener work. Leia called him over to sit the table and Ben perched carefully, trying to keep his face neutral. Hux looked across at him but Ben didn’t meet his gaze. Hux stood up. “Please excuse me,” he said with a nod to Leia. “I have some business in town.”

Ben spent the afternoon with his books, lying on his stomach in the shade of the orchard. He heard a speeder arrive, the crunch of feet on gravel, then the same speeder leave. He recognised the slightly off-tone whine of the speeder Hux generally used and his eyes stung. He’d been stupid, he told himself. He’d probably made Hux think he was a silly child, begging for something he wanted and crying when he got it. Hux had wanted to get away from him, he was sure of that. Hux probably regretted what they had done that morning because Ben had insisted he was ready for this but ultimately proved inadequate. When the feeling of despair threatened to overwhelm him, Ben got up and went back inside and up to his bedroom. He would remove all evidence that he and Hux had ever touched. He searched Hux’s bedroom but the condom packet and lube were missing. He went into the bathroom thinking maybe Hux had replaced them in the cabinet. He opened the bathroom cabinet and stared. In place of the lube and condoms sat a tube of medicated ointment with a note under it. _Use this. It will hurt less. Sorry._ Ben opened it and snuffled back a sob.

Dinner passed with no sign of Hux, and Ben stayed to entertain the evening guests with conversation about the history of Jedi and Sith philosophy, which led to good natured back and forth arguments with Luke. He stayed up as late as he could, even after their guests had said their polite goodnights and Luke had excused himself with a kiss each for Leia and Han, a hug for Ben and a handshake for Lando. Then he tried to stay awake to listen for Hux coming home, planning to sneak into his room and into his bed. But he woke up in slatted sunlight, lying on his stomach with his arms around his pillow. He brought his knees up under him and touched himself tentatively: only a bare memory of yesterday’s discomfort remained. He showered, applied more ointment, dressed and headed downstairs.

Hux was leaving the breakfast table on the terrace as Ben arrived. Ben smiled at Hux and received only a curt nod in reply, and it was all Ben could do not to pick up Hux’s favourite jogan fruit juice and throw it at his face. Scowling, Ben walked down to the pool, stared into the green water for a full minute then returned to the breakfast table just in time to hear Hux tell the housekeeper droid that he would be in the public records office all morning and would not return for lunch. Ben was distracted by indecision during his training with Luke until a plan settled in his head. As soon as Luke released him, Ben jogged toward the garage, said he needed more ink and paper for his translation work and would fetch some from town, mounted his speeder and roared off before anyone could tell him ‘no’.

Hux’s speeder was parked in their usual spot and Ben slid his into position beside it. He walked quickly to the square and Hux’s favourite cantina, heart leaping when he saw Hux on his way out with a bundle of papers under his arm. He intercepted Hux with a greeting ready on his lips but Hux’s expression dried the words on his tongue. Ben could barely hold in his emotion. He stopped in Hux’s path. “Do you hate me now?” he asked.  
Hux stared at him, lips parted. “Whatever made you think— No, not at all,” he said. “Walk?”  
Ben fell into step beside Hux, close enough to bump from time to time, and they meandered through narrow cobbled streets. Ben stopped Hux and spun round to face him in a quiet corner of a small square where a fountain burbled into a low pool, just loud enough to hide his voice from anyone but Hux. “What have I done wrong?”  
“Nothing,” Hux replied. “Kylo, I am so happy that you came to me.” He sighed and looked away. “I’d kiss you right here if I could.”  
Ben frowned. “Are you worried you’ll get in trouble? You won’t.”  
“Just don’t say anything. About this. About what we... I did. To you. I hurt you.”  
“You... no. Hux, no. It wasn’t like that.” Ben wanted to laugh with relief. He smiled and put his hand on Hux’s arm, guided him down so that they perched on the lip of the pool. “You gave me what I wanted. What I asked for. I didn’t mind.” Ben moved his hand up and stroked Hux’s left cheek, leaned in and kissed his right. Hux flinched back and looked around. The little square was empty.  
Ben felt anger threaten to erupt. “Are you embarrassed to be with me?” he demanded.  
“No! I’m... not used to this. Let’s talk later,” Hux said, looking around before taking Ben’s hand and kissing his knuckles. Ben laughed and looked away.  
“You’re impossible,” he said. ‘I don’t know where I am with you at all. I want to be with you. I want more.”  
“More?” Hux looked confused. “What do you mean? More of what?”  
Ben lowered his voice. “You. I want to sit with you at the table and not wonder what excuse you’ll make to avoid me. I want to walk through town holding your hand, put my arms around you and kiss you whenever I feel like it. I want to sleep in your bed with you every night and walk downstairs to get breakfast with you. Hux, I want all of you.”  
Hux stood up and walked across the square. Ben followed, a frown gathering on his face, but as soon as they were mostly hidden in the shade of a narrow passage between two buildings, Hux turned and pushed Ben against the cool, stone wall. He leaned his body against Ben’s, cradled Ben’s face and kissed him. Ben kissed back, clinging around Hux’s back and feeling his eyes prickle. They broke apart when Hux heard the sound of laughter and conversation nearby and walked together, without touching each other, past a group of younger teenagers. Once the group was behind them, Ben reached across the gap and slipped his hand into Hux’s, and Hux did not pull his hand away.

They retrieved their speeders and went home. Upstairs, Ben went to his own room and Hux went to his. They met on the balcony. Hux watched Ben like a small animal caught in the gaze of a felid, unsure of which way to dart to safety. Ben smiled. “Come here,” he said. Hux walked closer, a nervous smile twitching his lips. “Closer,” Ben said, taking Hux’s hands and walking backwards into his own room. Hux paused in the doorway, his back to the balcony. Ben grinned and sank to his knees. He pulled down the front of Hux’s shorts and took his cock into his mouth, closing his eyes and humming in pleasure. Hux moaned and held his breath, then gave a whimper of complaint when Ben stood up again and fixed Hux’s shorts for him. “Save that for later,” he said. “Don’t ignore me.”

At dinner, Ben felt buoyant, unreal, as if he was a character in his own dream. He was careful not to stare at Hux like a lovesick fool, and he deflected questions about what he had done in town by asking questions in return. When Leia quietly praised him for his improved social skills and attentiveness to their guests, Ben was sure he heard Hux choke. Under the table, Hux’s bare feet rested on Ben’s toes, pressing down from time to time and travelling up his calf when Ben extended his legs. Dessert could not end soon enough for Ben and he met the news that he was expected to socialise all evening because it was Lando’s last night at the villa with dismay that bordered on insolence. He was saved from a temper by an amused glance from Hux and a sly wink from Lando. The hosts and guests drank more wine and, after what felt to Ben like hours, he slipped through the fading light down to the pool. Hux found him there a few minutes later. He sat beside Ben on the low wall that bordered the pool. “The Prof said in a very insistent whisper that I ought to check if you were feeling all right. Are you?”  
Ben rolled his eyes. “I just want to be with you.” He nudged Hux with his elbow. “Can we go inside?”  
“I wish. No,” Hux looked toward the house then took Ben’s hand. “There are guards everywhere. We’d never make it past the perimeter.”  
Ben snorted out a laugh. He lifted Hux’s hand into his lap and clasped it. “I wish we’d done all this sooner,” he said. I wasted all that time thinking you hated me.”  
“I tried!” Hux said. “Remember that time you were playing spheredunk and I touched your shoulder? I was telling you I liked you and trying to find out if maybe you liked me but you reacted as if I molested you. I told myself not to make a fool of myself. Not to risk everything. I know a relationship like... people like... Well. Let’s just say that I was brought up with a very different set of rules. What if Leia found out I had made inappropriate advances and you’d—“  
“That was an _advance?”_ Ben sniggered. “No wonder you were, until so very recently, untouched.” Hux tried to snatch his hand back. “Sorry,” Ben drawled with no trace of sincerity whatsoever. He wrapped both arms around Hux. “Want to do it right here by the pool? Nobody will see.”  
“Absolutely not!” Hux yelped then wrestled Ben when he realised Ben was teasing him. One wrong move was all it took for Hux to push them both into the pool with a shocked splash. They giggled and whooped and hauled themselves out.  
Ben grinned at Hux. “At least now we have an excuse to go indoors.”

Nobody challenged their entry to the house after Ben explained, “Armitage pushed me in the pool,” and Armitage said, “Ben was asking for it,” and Leia laughed. Upstairs, Ben and Hux met in the bathroom, still wearing pool-soaked clothing. Ben stroked Hux’s arms and peeled his shirt up and over his head, glad that it was not his favourite. Hux squelched out of his shorts then watched Ben strip.  
“I can honestly say that I have never met anyone like you,” Hux said.  
“Is that a compliment or an insult?” Ben asked.  
“Honestly, Kylo, it’s a statement of fact. I—“ Hux blinked rapidly and bit his lip. “I will miss this. I will miss you.”  
“Then don’t go.” Ben shrugged, leaned in and kissed Hux. “Stay forever.”  
“You know I can’t. My internship ends in a week and you have to—“  
“Hush!” Ben covered his ears. “Don’t ruin it. I want this.”  
“Very well,” Hux said with a sad little smile. “We have forever, Kylo.”  
Ben smiled. “Get in the shower with me then we can finish what I started earlier.”

The next few days saw Lando depart and, soon after, Han who made a show of not being sad to leave while Leia told him to get going with harsh words and a soft smile. Ben and Hux spent as much time together as they could. For one idyllic week, they would wake up together and breakfast with only the housekeeping droid to disturb their satisfied silence. Leia would give Hux a task he could complete outside while Ben trained and she granted him afternoons free to prepare applications for academic posts she thought matched his skills. On Hux’s second last evening, Ben had still refused all of Hux’s attempts to talk about his imminent departure and, therefore, the end of all they had. The reduced family ate quietly. After dinner, when Luke put down his dessert spoon and cleared his throat, Leia spoke. “You know, Ben, I think it would be nice if you could escort Armitage to the city tomorrow, take him around the sights, have dinner and see him on his flight home the next morning.” She smiled. “Would you do that? There’s a hotel booked. I can call ahead and have them reserve two rooms instead of one.”  
Ben opened his mouth but could not think of a single thing to say so he closed it again. Luke grinned. Hux looked at Leia with open mouthed surprise and said, “I’d appreciate that very much. Thank you. Ben?”  
Lost in the dread of Hux’s imminent and inevitable departure, Ben barely nodded.

An hour later, Ben paced circuits: his room, balcony, Hux’s room and the bathroom. Hux attempted to pack. “You’ll leave me that,” Ben said, grabbing the mint green shirt from Hux’s small case. “And those,” he pointed at Hux’s favourite swimming shorts. Hux readily agreed and demanded in exchange the shirt Ben was wearing. Ben pulled it off and threw it at Hux.  
“You could stay. You could. But you won’t.”  
“Kylo, we—“  
Anger and hurt threatening to erupt, Ben rounded on Hux. “Don’t you dare tell me we’re over. We are not over.”  
“I wasn’t! I—“  
“Are you tired of me so soon? Is that it?”  
“No, Kylo—“  
“You have no idea. No idea.”  
“I love you.”  
“You’re a c— what?”  
“Kylo, I love you. I know it’s stupid and I’ve only known you for a few weeks and most of those we were barely speaking but I do. And I don’t want to go. But I must.”  
Ben sat heavily on Hux’s bed, soon to be his again. “Don’t leave. Everyone leaves and I can’t bear it.”  
“You’ll be leaving too. Back to Luke’s academy?”  
“No.” Ben lay back, voice flat. “I told Luke I want to leave. Get some experience. Travel or something. If there’s nowhere else, I’ll ask Han if I can join him and Lando on the Falcon but they’ll have Uncle Chewie. He’s a Wookiee.” Ben lay silent, hands clasped over his ribs, bottom lip sucked between his teeth. Hux raised an eyebrow but left his new questions about Ben’s family unasked. “You know,” he said casually, sitting on the bed next to Ben’s supine misery, “if I’m lucky enough to get that post excavating the data tower remains on Scarif and you don’t have any other plans, you could—“  
Ben launched himself upright. The rest of Hux’s idea was smothered by Ben’s kiss.

*****

Ben waited in the hallway, watching fat snowflakes drift to the ground, where they clumped on the empty terrace. Leia answered the holocall in her office with Han at her side, arms around waists and easy smiles ready.  
“Armitage!” said Leia. “What a lovely surprise.” Ben already had the secondary holocom open and Hux flickered into pale blue vision.  
“Hey, Armie!” he said, clapping his hands over his mouth. “Sorry. I should call you Professor Sloane.”  
Hux laughed. “Happy Life Day,” he said. “I just called—“  
“Happy Life day!” in triplicate.  
“Congratulations,” Leia said with genuine warmth. “You deserve that post.”  
“I wouldn’t have got it without your backing,” Hux said. “I called to say thank you for everything.”  
“Ah don’t go soft on us, son,” said Han. “You did good. Take the credit.”  
“How’s Scarif?” asked Leia. “Oh never mind. Don’t tell me, I’ve been there. Tell Ben instead.”  
“Yeah,” Han laughed. “We’ll leave you two alone.”  
Ben smiled as Leia and Han’s small, static avatars dissolved into the air, and then he had Hux to himself. He leaned forward so that his lips passed through those of Hux’s image. Hux laughed.  
“I hope they can’t see you,’ he said.  
“Don’t care,” replied Ben. “They don’t care either. Mom _likes_ you. Sith knows why. You’re awful.”  
“Insolent boy!” Hux’s image smiled and looked down, then there was a full minute of silence.  
“I got your letters,” Ben said.  
“I know,” replied Hux. “I got your replies. Most of them.”  
“I’m sorry.” Ben reached out as if he could touch Hux’s face. “Writing was so hard. Sometimes I just stared at the page. One time all I could think of was I love you, I miss you.”  
“I know. I liked that one,” Hux said. “I have a bundle of letters I didn’t even send in case it was too much.” Ben rubbed at his eyes. “Ah, now, none of that,” Hux said with a laugh. “Do you want to read them?”  
“More than anything!” Ben said, an ache in his chest, looking up again with a watery smile.  
“Well then,” Hux said. “You’ll have to come to Scarif.” There was another silence, then Hux said, softly, “Kylo.”  
“Hux.”  
“Kylo, Kylo, Kylo. Will you come? To Scarif? With me? I have an apartment and you could be a translator or you could train here or just be... whatever you want. Be with me. Be mine.”  
Ben chewed his lip and looked at Hux’s image. He imagined Scarif as he’d seen in pictures with its ruined reefs and blasted atolls with sand vitrified by immense heat and pressure, its abandoned buildings and warning beacons and... and Hux.  
“Yes,” he said, allowing happy tears to roll freely down his face. “I’ll come.”

**Author's Note:**

> The next work in this short series will be the same story from Hux’s POV.


End file.
